he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize