Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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