did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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