I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Found your dick twin last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
