ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
