I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
