you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
