C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
