Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
