its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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