I think my vagina is haunted
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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