i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize