To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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