He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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