Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
