guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
