Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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