I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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