So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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