btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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