so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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