i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
