Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
