doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
