I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
