were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize