I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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