Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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