So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
