I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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