i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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