There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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