I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
