Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
