Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
