there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
