Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
