I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
