its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
