awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
