Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
