she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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