HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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