I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
