There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
