my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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