It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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