i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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