He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize