Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
