I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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