Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Panties = found
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
