I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How external is "for external use only"?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
