so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
