Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
