Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
