I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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