I just pynch a tree in the face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
