Your mouth is God's brothel.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
