Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mom said you looked used
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
