So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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