On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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