I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
