Umm I'm too high to move.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
