New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
