Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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