Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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