why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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