Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
