I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
