If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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