I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
