Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
