Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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