just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
