I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
