I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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