The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
