that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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