I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
