no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She is in my trunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
