I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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