At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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