textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
