It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
