I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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