My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
