we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
