yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
