did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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