and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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