After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Found the puke drawer
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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