CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
