so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
