Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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