wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
