Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
