imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
