So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
