we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
