I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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