I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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