I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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