I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
