trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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