just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
