I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
