Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
