After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
