I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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