whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
